I survived against the will of my twisted folk

Hey, this is my voice mail. What that means is, I'm not within ear shot of my phone and just missed ya, I left my phone somewhere and can't hear it, I'm sleeping-- maybe with someone you know, I'm hot and naked in the shower, I'm dead, or I'm just plain busy. Sooo... leave a message with your name and phone number and I'll get back to you when I can. Thanks...

~BEEP~

Kinna glad I decided to go to the cafe the other night. Met a couple'a interestin' people.

Yo, Char, when're you available next? Think maybe we should go out sometime babe.

Also, Johnny, where th'hell have you been man? We need to hang sometime too, it's been too long.

To the hottie I was with last night. Thanks babe. I needed that.

Aaaah oh how the ladies love a man in uniform.

Still got plenty of candy left over from trick or treat, fuck yeah. Nerds and Sour patch kids and Tootsie rolls OH MY! I'm gonna be on such a fuckin' sugar buzz for the next week or so.

That was gay man.














Come up with something better.

Fuck it.

I need to get laid, and drink myself stupid. Not necessarily in that order.

Been a while. I've been a good boy, so it's time to ruin the streak and put another notch in the belt.

Thanks for the cake an' stuff boss...


I just....need to go for a drive.

Dunno what the hell has been wrong with me lately, fuckin' pathetic is what it is. But I think it's high time for a fuckin' change of scenery.

Julia came over last night, talked some sense into me and gave me some attention that I needed. Jus' when I thought I was through with people for a while she comes along and reminds me of what I've been missing. Funny how that shit works huh?

So me an' her are goin' to Ireland together for some alone time. Get the fuck away from this city and forget our troubles. We'll be spendin'  at least 7 great nights together, maybe more dependin' on how things go. I'm actually lookin' forward to it, been a while after all and I've been itchin' for a good woman.

The kids are as safe as they could be with that bitch of an aunt and doushebag of an uncle/grandfather. I plan to go collect'em when we come back though.

S'almost time, I gotto finish packing for the trip. Sayonara Cross, don't worry Grim, I'll take good care of Jules for ya.

YOU FUCKING PUSSY!



First Julia and now you? What the fuck...just. FUCK my LIFE man.

I need a drink.

God dammit, I feel like I'm on the outside lookin' in lately. I haven't see the kids, Jules or Grim in what feels like forever. The only fuckin' peep I heard out of them is on these things. My guts tellin' me there's probably somethin' up an' they ain't tellin' me.

Shit. I mean, Revy ain't been around that much either. Rukia's been quiet an' keepin' to herself too.

Did I do somethin'? What the fuck do I have to do t'get people to talk to me about shit? S'not like I can't keep a secret or handle myself. I wanna fuckin' help, but no one lets me.

Fuck it.

This is fuckin' bullshit.




Someone treats me like shit the first time they ever meet me and people wonder why the hell I don't respect them? Seems pretty fuckin' clear to me.

I'm allergic to those god-damned flowery candles!

( Private//semi-hackable )

Aren't you guys glad I don't gotto see you sleep with Grim or some shit after sex?


((OOC: Credit goes to Gabe for showing me this vid.))

I wanted some time with the kids but... this ain't exactly what I meant.

Ah well, fuck it. S'not like I haven't had to do this before and Revy's funny as shit with'em. Still can't believe she's gonna be a mom.

Guess we oughta get her good n'practiced with it before she pops out her kid.

Speak of the devil... kids are fussin' again. Here goes nothin'.

So, long time ago, I had a dream. It involved a HUGE fuckin' cannon...

And ya know what Cross? Today... I FUCKIN' FOUND IT! Hell yes. Dunno how I fuckin' missed the damn thing in all my patrolling of the city. Well, it is outside the limits a little, but shit, it should do just fine.

Now I jus' gotto figure out how t'get that beefy mother fucker into the damn thing.

Been too quiet lately an' I apologize for that. Guess I've been losin' myself in my work.

( Cut OOCly for length )

Fuck it, I need t'get out more... any takers?

((ooc: Strikes aren't actually there, just Renji's thoughts in word form.))

Honey I'm home!

Now to go pass the fuck out.

Just so ya know chicken shit, that wasn't a win. Hope ya weren't baskin' in the warmth of that bullshit too long ta make ya think ya won jack over me.

But ya know what? Doesn't matter, ya ain't gettin' a second chance to prove you're a real man. I've made up my  mind that ya ain't worth any more of my precious time.

Ya may have won that fight? But the battle? It's mine. Trophy goes to the real man here. The one with the balls, the honor and the fuckin' pride to go down fightin' all the way other than hide behind his friends while ya taunt from the safety of your gasguzzlin' peice o'shit on wheels.

S'right fuckface oh shit.. said it again, gonna point a real gun in my face this time jackass?

I WIN. I know all that vomit ya call words ya spat at me were just hidin' the fact all ya got is Kaien. Jealousy, that's what it fuckin' is. Don't think I forget that you were sittin' alone in the bar instead o'with yer only friend in the world, beat all t'hell. Sounds like you two ain't doin' so good. And really? I pity you. Kaien seems like a good guy. Ya don't know what the hell yer fuckin' up by being a blind douschebag.

But ya know? I'm feelin' generous. You stay the hell away from my family and friends? And I won't kill you. We'll be square. Got it? Hope Kaien can save your sorry ass before someone puts you in yer damn place. I really do feel sorry for ya.

Love,

Renji

P.S. Oh by the way. When I originally called yer ass out over the internet, I wasn't looking for a fight. You still haven't made good on yer word man. Where's that challenge you issued? Remember that? Yeah... didn't think you had the gonads to prove yourself then either. S'fine. Forget about it. I've lost interest anyway.

Yo, blond asshole from the bar.

Anytime you feel like provin' yerself? Reach me here (insert cell).

 IT'S FUCKIN' POSSESSED!!! Igoddamnthrewthefuckin'thingawayandit'sonmygoddamndeskstarin'atmewithosefuckin'sadeyes WHAT THE FUCK!?

WHO THE FUCK GAVE ME A FUCKIN' DEMON TOY!?

okay, okay, I'm cool, it's good... I'm fine. It's not like it can hurt me right? it's just a stuffed dog...heh heh...okay.

Right then. Uh... so...

Show of hands.

WHO DIDN'T GET ANY OVER VALENTINES DAY?

I can't be the only one in the city...

Man... I don't think I remember ever spending Valentines completely alone... kinda weird.

Ah well, what the fuck ever.

Thanks for the gifts.

( Private to Tres//semi-hackable )

( OOC: V-Day Gifts )

Hey Szayel, we need to talk. When're ya free?